


I've Got A Suitcase Full Of Memories That I Almost Left Behind

by xLoveMx



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Grief, Mentions of Death, Trauma, and caleb's past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29332521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: One teleport spell gone wrong, and Caleb finds himself catapulted back to his past, but while Blumenthal still stands like it used to, he finds that he's not the same person. Especially not with Jester's firm grip on his hand.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 16
Kudos: 91





	I've Got A Suitcase Full Of Memories That I Almost Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I both made myself cry and laugh with this...and I now desperately want it to happen. Hopefully you guys enjoy my little take on Caleb going back to his old home! x

In retrospect, they all knew that it had probably been a bad idea for Caleb to try and teleport by himself, but they had also been very aware that they couldn’t stop him, because he was the wizard with the spells, and he could just mutter a few words and be gone in an instant, without anyone being able to stop him.

 _“It’s easier for me to come back by myself if I get thrown off course,”_ He had told them, but what he had meant was, _I am not putting any of you in danger before I know how this works around here._ And maybe he would have gotten away with it, if it hadn’t been for Jester. Jester who had curled up next to Caleb when they had all gone to bed, loudly announcing that she’d be taking watch with him, and Jester who, the moment she noticed Caleb quietly muttering under his breath, fingers weaving subtle patterns in the air, had grabbed his hand, before the familiar feeling of being pulled across the continent took over.

It was rougher this time around though, a cold shiver running down Jester’s spine, and for a moment she was sure that she was going to lose him, her hand holding on even tighter to his as a reaction, and then it was over.

They both had solid ground beneath their feet once more, but it took both of them a moment to steady themselves, with Jester refusing to let go off Caleb’s hand. “Seriously Caleb? I told you that going alone was a bad idea!” She then huffed, shaking her head. “I know you thought you were doing this to be smart and protect us...” Jester found herself stopping midsentence, because she could tell that Caleb wasn’t listening to her at all. In fact, he was staring straight ahead, and she only really noticed now that they weren’t in Nicodranas. The air was cold, not as cold as back in Eiselcross by far, but also not warm enough to be even remotely close to her hometown.

“Caleb? Where are we?” For a short moment she had the absurd thought that he had brought them here on purpose, but the absolutely terror on his face, frozen there in a single expression, quickly neutralized that thought. “Caleb?” Her voice was quieter now as she squeezed his hand, trying to follow where his eyes were getting caught up. It was dark still, and Jester couldn’t make out much beyond a few shapes in the distance. Looking around however, she noticed that they were standing in a field of sorts, and that paired with the expression on his face, was enough to tell her exactly where they had landed.

“This is...home, right? Blumenthal?” They had never been with him, but Jester remembered the name because she had thought that it was a beautiful name for a village, and she had also found herself pointing out the connection to Yasha, who had been collecting flowers ever since Jester could remember.

Caleb, who still had a death grip on her hand, simply nodded. “Hey...we can go back, right? Or you can just make a circle and we can go somewhere else. Maybe to Zadash. I’m sure my Dad will let us sleep at his place until you can bring us back tomorrow.” It was a desperate attempt to shake him out of his paralysis, but it still took another few second before he eventually loosened the grip on her hand but refused to let go entirely. “But...you want to go, right?” Her voice was soft as she spoke, shuffling just a little closer to him as she watched him nod once more.

He looked a little less terrified than he had a minute ago, but now the terror in his eyes had been replaced with a certain sadness that almost hurt her more, because she didn’t know what to do about it. “I’m here with you, okay? We can go, but if you want to leave you can just bring us somewhere else, and I promise I won’t tell anyone,”

It took another minute until Caleb finally moved, his hand still firmly holding onto Jester’s as they slowly made their way towards the village. It was the longest they had ever touched, and even though the circumstances were less than ideal, it made Jester’s heart beat a little faster.

Everything was dark, but she could make out the shapes of a few cottages, not unlike the one they had seen on the upper floor of Caleb’s tower, on the outskirts of the village. They were simple in design, and yet they looked homey, and her mind instantly came up with the picture of a family, sitting around the dinner table, laughing and chatting about their day. It was something she’d never really had, because while her mother had always made sure to come and tuck her in, she was usually working nights and evenings, and Jester had always been eating with Bluud, or the Traveler once he had shown up.

The whole village lay in darkness, but Caleb didn’t seem to want to make use of any light. He probably didn’t need to, either. He didn’t miss one step, Jester noticed as she followed along, still holding on to his hand, her eyes roaming over the small cottages, until Caleb eventually stopped in his tracks.

Jester found herself looking up at him then, though for a moment it seemed like he wasn’t even on this plane anymore, his eyes fixed on one of the houses that stood a little off to the side.

“ _Es ist hier...wie...wie ist das…“_ He muttered, trailing off ever so slightly and just staring again until Jester tugged on his scarf to get his attention.

“Caleb?”

She could almost see him disappearing into his own mind, eyes flickering as he pulled himself out of it eventually. “I’m sorry...that’s...this shouldn’t be here.” She followed his line of sight once more, eyes falling on the small cottage. It pretty much looked like the rest of the houses, though the front door was painted red, which made it stick out among the others.

“My mother’s favorite color,” Caleb muttered, his grip on Jester’s hand tightening a little. It was the longest they had ever touched, and even though she felt a little bad about how they had gotten into this situation, she couldn’t quite ignore the way it made her feel. The way a warmth spread from her chest through her entire body and how it made her skin tingle, and how It made her never want to let go again.

Watching as he stepped towards the front door, hand raised to knock, Jester followed. It was approaching midnight at this point, and the house was in complete darkness, much like the rest of the village, so if anyone lived here, they were probably fast asleep, but Jester couldn’t fault Caleb for wanting to know.

Knocking again after there had been no initial response, Jester turned to look at him for a moment, before speaking up. “We could polymorph and see if anyone’s inside?” But before she could even suggest an animal to turn into, Caleb had already reached for the doorknob and turned it, the door swinging open with a slight creaking sound.

What they found inside was almost the spitting image of the room in Caleb’s tower, a table with four chairs in the middle, a small stove and a cupboard, though with no books on them this time around, a few stairs that lead to the upper floor, and two more doors in the back.

It felt, once again, like they had stepped back in time, and Jester was so mesmerized by that thought, that she barely noticed how Caleb had lit a candle with the flame in his hand and placed it on the table, his free hand still intertwined with hers.

“They must have rebuilt this...I...I couldn’t have...” It seemed like he was trying to make sense of it all, and Jester wished that she could help. There wasn’t much she could do though, besides squeezing his hand ever so often to remind him that she was still there, that he wasn’t alone. “It’s almost entirely like it used to be...my mother would stand here and cook, and I’d be trying to reach a book on the shelf...I had read it countless times, but I wanted to read it again, and she’d laugh and reach over to hand it to me before going back to making dinner.”

“That sounds wonderful, Caleb.” Jester’s voice was quiet as she watched him weave his hands through the air, and suddenly the scene was playing out in front of them with amber colored figures moving about the room. A third figure joined them soon, leaning in for a kiss before picking up the little boy and swirling him around.

“It was the first thing he did, give my mother a kiss, and the last thing he did before leaving the house.”

There was a pause in which Jester wanted to say something along the lines of _That’s how it should be_ , but she didn’t quite make it that far, because before she could even begin to form the words, the door to the small cottage was suddenly thrown open.  
“ _Hände hoch_!” The illusion instantly dropped, leaving only the candle on the table burning, but it was enough to illuminate the figure of an elderly woman standing in the doorway, a saucepan raised over her head. “ _Bren, bist du das_?” She blinked, and Jester, who had almost instinctively pulled her hands up, along with Caleb’s, started glancing back and forth between him and the woman.

Caleb’s flight or fight instinct had kicked in almost instinctively, but the moment he laid eyes upon the woman, his whole body seemed to relax once more. “Else? J-Ja...”

“ _Oh Junge, ich dachte schon, meine Augen lassen mich langsam im Stich,“_ It was obvious to Jester that they knew each other, a thought that was confirmed when the woman left the saucepan on the nearest surface and threw her arms around him in a hug.

Jester found herself taking a step back, her hand slipping out of Caleb’s grasp as she watched them embrace. She suddenly felt like she shouldn’t be witnessing such an intimate moment of affection though, like this wasn’t meant for her eyes. _“Ich hab nicht gedacht, dass wir dich hier noch mal wieder sehen...”_

„ _Irgendwas sagt mir, dass das nicht stimmt…“_ Caleb replied, and Jester could see that they both had tears in their eyes as they pulled apart. She didn’t understand a word they were saying, but it was clear that they had known each other for a long time with how the woman held on to Caleb’s shoulders for a moment longer, squeezing.

“ _Naja, da hast du vielleicht recht_ …oh no, pardon me. How terribly rude of me. I’m Else, an old friend of dear little Bren’s parents. Well...not so little anymore now, I guess.” She had switched languages mid-sentence, turning her attention to Jester, and even though her accent was thicker than Caleb’s, Jester had no trouble understanding her. “You must be...his wife then? He’s got excellent taste, I see. Like his father,”

Later on, Jester would spend the night lying awake, trying to figure out why exactly she found herself agreeing with the old lady, and the answer wouldn’t be as simple. Explaining everything Caleb and her had been through would have been too much, but for now she simply found herself nodding, lips curved into a smile as she took the woman’s outstretched hand. “Yes! Hi, I’m Jester! Nice to meet you,” Her hand was shaken with a smile, and despite a somewhat curious expression on Else’s face, there seemed to be no judgement about her appearance.

“Pleasure, _Liebes._ We didn’t think you’d be coming back here,” She turned her attention back towards Caleb for a moment, “We...weren’t sure if you were ever going to return. Nobody could have faulted you after that horrible accident...especially since we heard you made quite a name for yourself in Rexxentrum, but...we figured you might want to come home eventually,”

“So...you rebuilt this. _Für mich_?” Caleb added, and Jester could see the slight confusion in his eyes at Else’s version of events, but he didn’t say anything else about the matter, or the fact that she had just pretended to be his wife for no apparent reason. It would have been easy to correct the assumption, and yet Jester had somehow enjoyed the thought of being called someone’s wife. Of being called Caleb’s wife, to be exact. She found herself blushing slightly at the thought, quickly trying to shift her attention back to Else, who continued talking.

“ _Ja_. It’s yours, still, if you want it. We couldn’t have anyone else living in here. You’re staying overnight, ja? There’s sheets and blankets in the bedroom. I come here to clean and tend to the garden ever so often. Please, would you do me the honors and come have breakfast with Hugo and I tomorrow? You too of course,” She turned back towards Jester for a short moment, giving her a smile, “If you want me to, I could of course show you where we buried your dear parents.”

“You found something to bury?” Caleb couldn’t help but ask, and the smile on Else’s face turned a little sadder.

“Not really...but...we figured they deserved a proper burial, and you deserved a place to go to, should you ever come back, which...you did,” She then nodded, and the smile seemed to become a little more genuine again. “I won’t keep you up any longer though, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright in here. And it’s more than that. Please come to breakfast. _Es ist schön, dich wiederzusehen,_ ” She nodded, squeezing his arm for a moment, before offering a smile to Jester. “And it’s a pleasure to meet you, _Liebes._ I will see you tomorrow,”

For a moment they both just stood and watched as the door fell shut behind Else, and surprisingly enough it was Caleb who moved first. Jester watched as she shuffled over to the table and sat down, pulling one some gold coins from his pocket.

“Caleb?” Her voice was quiet as she stepped up to him, hands reaching out to touch his shoulders gently. “What are you doing?”

“Well. You...told her that you were my wife, and she might not have noticed the lack of rings now, but she will when we go there for breakfast tomorrow. People here are...well. Not strict, but traditional is probably the word I would use.” Jester instantly found herself blushing, her hand on his shoulder twitching, almost pulling away, but then one of Caleb’s hands came to rest on hers all of a sudden, while the other continued to weave patterns in the air.

“Thank you.” His voice was quiet, and Jester simply stood there, her fingers intertwining with his for a short moment, before he pulled back to continue the spell. Had she been the one to cause this? Would he have made it to Nicodranas if she hadn’t been so insistent on coming along? And why on earth had she not protested when being called his wife?

Caleb was sweet, and smart and he was somehow able to read her like an open book when she had always been able to hide her true feelings rather well, and Jester wasn’t going to deny that she had tried flirting with him, or what she had thought was flirting anyway, but then he had called her _Astrid_ , and she had paddled back as far as possible.

Still, that had been almost an entire year ago, and things between them had changed, so much so apparently that Jester had jumped at the chance to be called his wife by someone that had clearly once been very important in Caleb’s life. “I should...uh...message the others, tell them that we’re alright, ja?” She eventually nodded, feeling the blush on her cheeks deepening just a little as she headed off to the small bedroom.

There wasn’t much more in there other than a bed, a small closet and a table with a chair in the far corner, and even though Jester knew that this wasn’t actually the place Caleb’s parents had slept, she couldn’t help but run her fingers over the sheets. She briefly wondered what they had been like, and if they would have liked the Mighty Nein. She imagined all of them crammed into the little cottage during the visit, Caduceus and Yasha having to bend down ever so slightly so they wouldn’t hit their heads, while Beau complimented the flowers outside, probably wondering if she could ask to collect some as a surprise for Yasha. Veth could have brought Luc, who’d be playing outside in the fields, much like she imagined Caleb had, and Jester would be in the kitchen, swapping baking recipes with Una.

She could feel herself blushing again at that thought and quickly shook it off, before deciding that it was time to send a message to Beau, telling her that they were okay. There was no use in letting her know that they had gone a little off course, and no way of really conveying that in 25 words anyway, so she simply opted for telling her friend that they were fine and would be returning tomorrow so they could all make their way to Nicodranas.

She had just finished the spell when the door opened and Caleb appeared, leaning against the frame for a moment. Jester was glad that it was dark in here, because she still found herself blushing just a little.

Beau’s response came promptly, noting that she was currently engaged in an arm-wrestling contest, but glad that they were okay, and that she’d be yelling at Caleb tomorrow for trying to leave on his own. “Beau’s getting her ass kicked by Dagan in an arm-wrestling contest,” She broke the silence eventually, watching as Caleb stepped into the room with the candle in hand, placing it on the nightstand before settling down next to her. Jester instantly noticed the gold ring on his finger, and her heart missed a beat.

“Look, Caleb, I’m sorry about the whole wife thing, I wasn’t thinking right, and we can just tell her that I got it wrong.” This time it was Caleb that reached out for her hand, and before Jester could even say anything else, he had slipped the other of the two rings he’d been making onto her finger. She knew that it wasn’t real, or well the intention behind it wasn’t anyway, and yet it looked utterly perfect on her finger, enough to make Jester’s heart beat right out of her chest.

“No...you don’t have to apologize. I...don’t even know if we’ll make it out of Eiselcross alive if we choose to fight. Or if anyone makes it out alive should Lucien succeed in bringing back the city. So...it’s nice to be back here, even if it’s just for a day. We should get some sleep,” Jester felt him slip under the covers and quickly did the same, glad to have a bed to sleep in for once.

It had been a while since they had been able to properly sleep in the tower, and while she was glad to at least have had the dome, it was definitely different to have an actual bed to sleep in.

“I’m glad I didn’t end up here alone,” Caleb’s voice eventually broke the silence once more, and Jester moved her hand to find his under the blankets, squeezing slightly, only to find him squeezing back.

-

She wasn’t sure when they had actually fallen asleep, but by the time she woke up the sun was shining in through the small window and everything was warm and comfortable. It took her a few moments to remember just where she was, and when she noticed that she was curled up against Caleb, his arms wrapped around her tightly, Jester’s heart instantly missed a beat, and her first instinct was to pull away, but Caleb felt comfortable, and he was holding her so tightly, that she didn’t want to move.

“Good morning,” His voice was thick with sleep still, and Jester instinctively buried her face against his chest, just taking it all in for a moment longer. It was strange, how he could make her feel so comfortable and nervous at the same time, like she could be spending the rest of the day like this, but if she did, she might actually have a heart attack. “We should probably get going, I can practically smell the freshly baked bread. You’ll like it, I think. Not as sweet as bear claws, but good nevertheless.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s great. I can’t wait.” She eventually untangled herself from him to sit up and make herself look somewhat presentable. Jester didn’t know what time it was, but people seemed to already be out and about, with kids running around as they stepped outside eventually.

Else’s house was only a few yards away, a little further towards the center of the village, but before they knocked on the door, Caleb placed his hand on Jester’s arm for a moment to stop her. “Hold on,” There were a few words muttered under his breath as he weaved his fingers in front of her face. “That’ll help with the language barrier at least,” Jester instantly noticed that his accent was gone, so she knew that he had switched to Zemnian, which made her smile as she nodded in return.

“Got it.”

When they finally knocked on the door, they were instantly greeted by a smiling Else. “ _Guten Morgen_! Good morning, come on in!” Caleb had been right, the house did already smell like freshly baked bread and coffee, and as they entered, they could see that the whole table was decked out with all kinds of things. Bread, eggs, coffee and tea, along with some cheese and ham and some orange juice were all set, and man, who had been sitting at the table, seemingly the same age as Else, rose to greet them with a smile.

“ _Bren._ _Schön dich zu sehen_ ,” His smile was warm and welcoming, „And you must be Jester. Welcome to Blumenthal,” She shook his hand, watching as he patted Caleb’s shoulder before gesturing for them to sit down.

“That’s my husband, Hugo. He used to work with Bren’s father,” Else joined in while she poured them all some orange juice as they settled down.

“Great man. What a tragic accident. It’s been so long, but they’re still missed. He would have been proud of you though, son. Teaching at such a renowned school and having found such a lovely wife.” Hugo nodded as he settled back down, and it was becoming more and more clear that nobody here seemed to know what had actually happened all those years ago, which was probably for the better, but also strange at the same time.

“Do you teach as well, _Liebes_?” Jester, who had picked up some of the bread, briefly glanced at Caleb, before shaking her head.

“Oh, no. I...uh. I’m an artist.” She eventually managed, raising the glass of orange juice to her lips. She usually wasn’t shy about her artistic qualities, but there was something incredibly humbling about this place, and even though it was so different from what Jester had grown up with, she still enjoyed it.

“Oh, really? How wonderful. You know, Una _, Pelor hab sie selig_ , was a wonderful artist. She once illustrated an entire children’s book. Little Bren wouldn’t put it down.” Else chuckled, and Jester suddenly felt her stomach drop a little, her eyes searching Caleb’s, who nodded.

“I...yeah. I think I’ve seen that. It’s gorgeous.” She smiled, her hand coming to fiddle with the golden ring on her finger until Caleb reached across to squeeze her hand.

“Ja. I’m lucky to have her.” His smile seemed genuine, and it made Jester’s heart beat a little faster as she squeezed right back.

There were a couple more stories told over breakfast, before Hugo excused himself to take care of the animals in the back, while Else offered to take them to the cemetery. Jester automatically slipped her hand into Caleb’s as they walked, passing people and stopping ever so often so they could greet Caleb, and introduce themselves to Jester. Oddly enough, she found, that it felt like home, even though she had never been here before. The people were all kind and welcoming though, and Jester thought that it would have been lovely to grow up here and it was terrible that Caleb’s childhood was now tainted by the awful things Trent had made him do.

The simple thought of that man had anger flaring up in her stomach and she quickly pushed it down, because he had no place here. Whatever they were going to do about Trent, it would have to wait until they had saved the world.

The cemetery was a little way off, next to one of the many fields, surrounded by a small fence. Most of the graves had simple wooden crosses with names etched into them and it wasn’t long until they had found the one that spelled _Una &Leofric, Fort, doch nicht vergessen. _

“It’s funny, you know. I knew they were gone but this...this...” Caleb trailed off and Jester squeezed his hand a little tighter.

“Do you want a moment alone?” A subtle nod had her leaning into him for a second, lips pressing to his cheek, before she stepped back. Else had been waiting by the gate, a soft smile on her face.

“You know, we didn’t think he’d return, we had heard he made something of himself, Una and Leofric would have been proud...and yet we held out hope, and sometimes hope’s not in vain.”

Jester bit her lip, feeling tears welling up in her eyes all of a sudden as she nodded. “I’m glad he found you though. He’s always been calm but...you seem to ground him. It’s like watching his parents again. That fond look on his face when he looks at you...it’s nice to see that again.” Jester could feel her heart missing another beat as she turned to look at the older woman, nodding.

“He’s...he’s a great man. He makes me laugh, especially when I don’t want to, and he’s always there for me, even if I don’t want to talk. He...he makes me feel warm inside and holding his hand makes me feel like home, wherever I go.” It was the first time she had ever admitted those things out loud, and Else smiled in return, reaching to rest her hand against Jester’s cheek briefly.

“That’s love, _Liebes._ Though I assume you already know that, considering you married him.” She then added with a chuckle, and Jester glanced down at the ring on her finger. Had she really been in love with Caleb all this time? For a moment she almost wanted to laugh it off, but then it seemed to hit her like a ton of bricks. The way she always sought him out, how teasing him was more fun than teasing anybody else, and how his smile could light up her whole world. How she had been jealous of Astrid for no apparent reason and how losing him was a thought she couldn’t bear. Jester might not have known much about love, but she knew that she was in love with Caleb.

“Could you...tell him that I’ll be at the house?” She then asked, turning back to Else. “Oh...and could you do me a favor?”

-

By the time Caleb had made it back to the house, Jester was done with her task, turning to look back at him almost shyly as he stepped inside. Her hands were covered in paint, which was also streaked across her face in places where she had pushed the hair out of the way.

“I...I hope you don’t mind. I was going to surprise you.” There was a moment where Caleb simply stood there, looking ahead, and Jester suddenly felt like this whole thing had been a bad idea. “I...sorry. I should have asked. I didn’t...” she trailed off, glancing back at the picture she had painted on the wall. It was a replica of the scenery Caleb had created last night, only frozen in a frame. Amber colored shapes of a man and woman with a young boy, a cat at their feet. Next to it, Jester had painted a picture of the Mighty Nein, her and Caleb next to each other, their hands intertwined, and above it all she had written _‘Zuhause liegt im Herzen,’_ which Else had been so kind to translate for her. ‘ _Home is where the heart is,’._

“No, Jester this...this is...wonderful.” She could see tears pooling in the corners of his eyes and before she could even think about it, Jester had crossed the room, wrapping her arms around him in a hug.

“I just...I thought it would be like a promise, you know? You’re...you’re my home. Wherever you are is home...whether that’s here, or Nicodranas, or Rosohna, and I wanted to make sure you knew that,” She could feel tears streaming down her own cheeks now, pushing herself a little closer as his arms came to wrap around her. “And...I know that what we’re doing is dangerous, and probably stupid but...I’m not scared, not when I’m with you. This place,” She pulled back ever so slightly to look at him, blinking her tears away. “It’s a promise, a promise that we’ll come out the other side okay and can come back here. And...and I know it’s not real...” She continued, holding on the hand with the ring he had given her, “But...but maybe it could be, one day?” Jester voice was quiet as she watched the wheels turn in Caleb’s head until it finally clicked, the realization of what she had been saying finally sinking in.

She had almost expected him to pull away, maybe she had overstepped, or gotten things wrong, maybe Else had misinterpreted the looks, but then Caleb was bending down to press his lips against hers and Jester suddenly felt her knees go weak. Holding on to him, she returned the kiss, feeling the butterflies in her stomach go wild as she wished for this feeling to never stop.

Caleb eventually pulled back though, reaching up to brush his fingers across the paint on her cheek. " _Ich liebe dich_ “ _,_ His voice was soft, much like the smile that hard formed on his lips and made Jester’s heart beat faster.

“Promise to kiss me first thing in the morning and last thing before bed?” She then asked and Caleb, as if to make good of that promise, simply kissed her again.


End file.
